Being a Feminist & SAHM

I have always been a little on the radical side, from the moment I was a teen and I still like to think I am going strong today, but a little on the more normal side. In high school I was the girl with the piercings, and getting tattoos which I have continued to add into adulthood, minus the piercings, although I wouldn’t mind them again. I found out when I was around 20 that they weren’t as socially acceptable as they were when I was working in a Motorcycle dealership so out they went.
I first started getting involved with the feminism movement when I started getting involved with Planned Parenthood and the pro choice movement in my mid-late teens. I always was independent, whether it came to money, or just doing something myself, and my mother always raised me to never depend on a man for anything. It has stuck with me even today. This because my mother was married at 15, had two kids, and was a single mother by the time she was 18 with not a dime of child support in the mix. So her message always came through loud and clear. I was lucky enough to enter the family when my siblings were 15, and 17 years old, with a father who valued his family.

I knew I always wanted better, and I knew I never wanted to depend on anyone else. I wanted to be a strong and independent woman.

So how does this translate into a stay at home mother right? Sadly there are many SAHM’s out there that will be saddled with someone else supporting on the until their children are older and independent, and while my husband may be the main bread winner in our family, I could go out tomorrow and do what I need to do to support my boys if that was the case.

But again, it comes back to my choice to give up a good portion of my independence to stay at home with my kids. Most people have asked me why I made the choice to be a SAHM. And my answer has always been the same thing…. “Why would I have kids if I didn’t intend on raising them?”

Now, I am not saying all parents who use daycare are allowing someone else to “raise” their children, but sadly a good portion of them do. Dropping a child off at daycare at 6am, and not coming back to get them until 5 or 6pm is a huge portion of the day, and if they are anything like my children that would allow dinner, a bath, and maybe an hour of interaction before bed. I don’t see that as a fit amount of time for a parent to spend with their child.

I see it slightly different with a two parent household with one parent that is able to stay at home because the children get the constant one on one with at least one parent. How it works in our home is when Daddy gets home, Daddy is the center of the boys universe. Neither boy will even give me the time of day once Daddy has graced us with his presence. Which allows me to get thing that I need to do done.
Shower, dinner, cleaning, laundry or other things the kids didn’t let me get done while I was alone with them during the day.

I know there are so many feminist out there that will turn a cheek and call me something like a “moo” or a “breeder” but ya know what? Motherhood is a huge accomplishment to me, and the two children I am raising are far more than a stereotypical name or opinion of a stranger.

I am proud to be a Feminist SAHM.

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4 comments

tags: breeder, daycare, feminism, feminist, moo, SAHM, stay at home mother
category: Uncategorized

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1

By: Nicholas Fogelson, MD Twitter: @academicobgyn

Nice post. I have often had similar thoughts, though I am afraid my family will be more of the daycare type. My wife and I don’t currently have kids, but are planning them soon. As we are both physicians, we both feel that we have invested far too many years in our personal development and education for one of us to not work once we have a child. I realize this might not be optimal for child development, but it is what it is. I was raised in large part by a nanny, and turned out relatively OK!

2

By: Danielle

I look at Nanny care completely different.
That is more of a one on one thing for the children, know what I mean?
I know that if I could go back to work full time, and have someone like my mother watch my boys during the day, it would be completely different for me, especially if I had gone through that kind of education and time to actually become a Doctor.
Heck, if I could afford a Nanny, I would probably have one now so I could get more done around the house, and get some of my own personal goals accomplished!

3

By: Amanda in GA

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I have enjoyed reading yours . Can’t wait to read some more

4

By: Jana @anattitudeadjustment Twitter: @jrama2

I am also a feminist and stay-at-home mom, and I’ve agonized over the best choices for my family. In the end, I do think the mother has the power to set the tone for the household, and it all depends on the mother’s happiness. If a mother is happy working, she should work, and her kids will benefit from having a happy and fulfilled mom. If a mother is happy staying home, then kids will benefit from having an enthusiastic SAHM. Everyone has to make the choice that’s best for their family, and that could change depending on the month or year.

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