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Birth Advocates or Extremists in Disguise?
In the past week I have been watching twitter closely and observing a first time mother become overdue and some of the comments she got as she considered talking to her provider more about labor induction. While I am not someone who supports labor induction for non medical reasons, I am someone that supports women being able to make their own educated choices in their health care.
Now, we all may favor natural childbirth over medicalized childbirth, but when we start telling women they are uneducated, or putting them down, this is not going to reflect positively on the natural childbirth community. I have had so many women pregnant, and not pregnant contact me via twitter thanking me for my information and not putting it in a radical way. I always viewed myself as a radical when it came to passing along information regarding childbirth too.
I think it was about a year and a half ago I made the change from radical to true advocate. I had a couple people in our local community talk to me about my approach on childbirth and give me some tips that could help me get my message across in a more positive manner. One of these women is a highly respected local midwife, and also internet blogger. So when her words came out, I listened very carefully and then started to understand and see that the message I had, and information I was passing along was received better when backed up with facts, information, and given in a positive delivery than it did before when I would just rant and rave about how bad hospitals are or about how women are idiots for listening to their provider and taking their word as gold.
While those are certainly some things I believe, there it just a better way to approach things that wouldn’t make me look like a raving lunatic and in that period of time, I also found my message is reaching more people. From increasing my own blog traffic, writing for our local newspaper about childbirth, pregnancy, and early parenting, and getting on board the new Giving Birth With Confidence Blog powered by Lamaze, and reaching more women in my local community, it has really put my message and approach into perspective for me.
Certainly there is a time and place for rants, and for raves. I saw some amazingly authored ones this week by Kristen at Birthing Beautiful Ideas, and from my all time favorite blogger Gina The Feminist Breeder, which talked about Doula Bans and birth plans. Well authored, amazingly worded, positive outcome rants. Which is how we should all work to word our rants instead of spur of the moment words we can’t take back that will in turn make others look differently at you, or maybe not take you as seriously as they once did.
The purpose of this is not to hand slap anyone, or to say you should or should not be approaching childbirth the way you do, or the way you council women, or tweet, or however you are involved. The message is simply step back and take a look at your approach and ask yourself… Will this be helpful or hurtful to the cause I am working for?
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Great post…some people’s “opinions” can become rather intrusive. As a birth doula, the woman I’m interviewing with is in obvious need of a doula or she wouldn’t have contacted me. It’s more important to learn to be the support she needs regardless of how the process goes.
By the way, you’re are wise beyond your young years…keep up the great work :0)
Dianne
Thank you. I needed this. This is something that is especially hard for me. I have always been a “question authority” kind of person and for that I am proud, however I know I come off as rude sometimes when it comes to my own fact based opinions whatever they may be.
I need to talk to some seasoned doulas and midwives and get their take on things. I know who I’ll call too. My very own midwives and doula. hehe
This goes for Breastfeed or Formula too! We need to be more aware of what we are saying & be more informative, less rant! That you for your post. How we birth our children (& in turn feed them) is our personal choice. We need to remember to be respectful of each other, only then can we truly help one another!
A.W. I agree to an extent. While we shouldn’t rant and rave, there are choices that parents make with the best of intentions which are not being made with educational information. One example is Breast milk Vs. Formula. There are still people out there that think they are the same, which is not true by any means. Same goes for childbirth. Women think there are no risks to certain procedures in labor, like induction or augmentation, which is also incorrect, both have risks. This is about the delivery of messages, not the messages themselves.
I agree, it’s about the delivery, not the message. Though if you don’t care if you’re helping people or not rant all you want. Though I feel like people who rant WANT to help, they just aren’t doing the best job.
Also, I wonder when it becomes one’s business to step in and say “your wrong” ie: “formula is the same as breastfeeding”. I think with social media it’s become so easy to bud in when it’s not neessarily wanted. I know breastfeeding is better but I don’t know of I’d have the guts to tell some random Twitter person that.
FutureMama´s last [type] ..Are Giveaway Blogs Annoying Part 2
I’m a student midwife to be in the UK and couldn’t agree more with you A.W. I cannot stand the idea of someone breastfeeding because they have been bullied into it or made to feel very guilty because they do not. It’s their choice, at the end of the day. All we can do is educate them to the best standard we can and hope they make the right choice, but I think it’s important to support them whatever decision they make
Yep – thank you for the reminder! I think the message and how you say it are equally important. Your goal is to impact people and help them avoid an awful experience, health issues, guilt, etc.
It’s not about drilling this stuff into people’s heads, it’s more about sharing what you have to share and being convincing without being an ass.
I decided once upon a time that you cannot lead a horse to water, and you cannot make them drink. All you can do is give the horse the tools to discover their OWN water, because their OWN water is all that matters. I don’t want to lead anybody to my water – my water may not be right for them.
However, as zen as I’d like to be, some people accuse me (nicely) of having all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. It’s true, I don’t mince words. I don’t mean to be provocative – it’s just the way I write. I’m also trying very hard not to be dogmatic though because every situation is different. I can only hope that the way I illustrate things helps people find their own truth. Some people think I’m an ahole, and some people say they’ve learned from me. It’s a crapshoot.
Of course, a twitter friend just told me her doc wouldn’t “let” her try for a VBAC because there’s too much cesarean scar tissue. I told her to research and make the decision for herself, and she thanked me by unfollowing me.
TheFeministBreeder´s last [type] ..This is Me- Opening a Childbirth Education Business
UGH Gina, that sucks 
I can’t say I have ever seen anything you have written as offensive. I LOVE what you have to say 
Hi, this is my first time commenting on your blog and I just wanted to say that I for one really appreciate a well written and educated rant and rave about injustices and misinformation in maternity care and childbirth education.
I have never been pregnant and am just at that pre TTC stage where I am just hungry for as much information on birth and babies as I can find. I thought I was more than prepared for motherhood as I consider myself to be highly educated (I have a masters degree) and have grown up caring for young children. But I never even knew about things such as birth trauma, unnecesareans or even that there can be long lasting affects from a standard medicated vaginal birth for both a mum’s mental heath and a baby’s development even existed; until I read certain bloggers’ passionate pleas for women to realise that what they went through has a high probability of happening to them unless they listen, get educated and take action.
This lead me to investigate pregnancy, birth and child rearing in far more detail and as a result has thoroughly changed my opinions on any future births I may have. I literally went from “sign my up for a preterm cesarean as I know I won’t be able to cope with the pain of labour” to seriously questioning if a woman can aver truly be “overdue” and only wanting home-births with little physical help from a midwife. All because I realised that after years of being conditioned otherwise, I AM CAPABLE of having an uncomplicated and even pain-free childbirth if I am in a supportive environment where people do not interfere with the process.
I think people sometimes people don’t always ‘hear’ and understand important vital information unless it is communicated in a strong thought-provoking way. Once individuals have heard it, they can then choose to disagree and ignore it but at least they can’t say they weren’t fore warned.
I also totally agree with Danielle’s comment above and feel that while we can all learn to communicate more tactfully (especially online), it does not change the message or the fact that people will get upset when they realise that they were ill-informed in the choices they made.
Being an educator (and a woman) I know how frustrating it can be when people don’t seem to take notice of want you have to say (especially things that could save them from a lot of pain and struggling down the road) until you raise your voice! Then rather than thank you, they turn around and call you a crazy radical!
Sorry for the long comment, I guess I too am little partial to a rant every now and then as well! But I wanted to close by saying keep up the good work on your blog and informing women.
Oh I wanted to add, that the reason I believe people get so heated when it comes to expressing their views on all things related to pregnancy, childbirth and parenting is that you only get the experience ONCE (with each child) and when it is done there are no ‘do-overs’. Also, there’s the fact that their choices have serious implications on future pregnancies that could all be avoided.
It is sad and scary that women are being offered ‘choices’ by people who quite simply (and rather disgustingly) only stand to profit from their decisions. For instance if you are induced for non medical reasons, this has been proven time and again to lead to other medical interventions that ultimately provide a profit to the hospital administering them. This is similar to want occurs with the advertisement of formula and disposable nappy companies. I liken it to offering young people cigarettes and recreational drugs, yes it their choice to accept but do they know the serious long term health risks involved or that addiction can take away their freedom of choice altogether.
(Ok I think I am really done this time, but topics like these really inspires me. Also, @ Gina – take comfort in the fact that I for one appreciate your effort in educating women and enjoy your delivery in doing so Keep it up!)
This is the first time I am commenting on a post of yours as well. I have also struggled at times with how to present my info to mothers/friends/family that have questions or conflicts with this very dear and passionate topic. It takes patience and practice and true dedication to educate people on this topic, and to present it in a way that can be heard and valued by all. Thanks for the post!
This is my first comment to your blog, and one of the first few pages I’ve actually got to read (so far). I completely agree that all bloggers need to approach things in a positive manner when trying to help others. At the same time though, I remember that I have an opinion and that’s the whole reason I wanted to help in the first place. I’ve seen some that try to play so nice to both sides that I’m not even sure what they believe in when I’m done reading. Personally, I want to know without a doubt how the author feels about a particular topic.
I want to hear the rants and raves (with facts/figures/research/some form of intelligence), from both sides! But I don’t want to hear name calling. Passion is the name of the game, and I think it has to drive everyone that wants to write. I also think that others need to hear from real people… not just watered down versions of statistics presenting in a fancily worded way.
I’ve noticed that I seem to attract those that are seeking me (like-minded) or those that adamantly oppose me (the hate mail in my email). And I’ve only been truly blogging for a short amount of time…. I’m learning a great deal along the way. But if I help one person make up their mind (regardless of if its the same as mine) I’m happy.
Thanks for the thought provoking post.
MotherUnexpected´s last [type] ..Doulas- Midwives- and Kentucky
I really appreciate this post. I would like to add a couple of perspectives from the other side.
I took a 12 week Bradley course before we had my son. I obviously went into pregnancy wanting a natural childbirth and wanting information. I’ve always been an information junkie. I have to admit that I believe my Bradley instructor was far more ill-informed than anything I’ve ever seen about c-sections and induction. For example, she tried to link epidurals with the raise in autism and ADHD. As someone who worked in the child development field, this was absolutely appalling to me (and being the loud mouth that I am, I let her know that I thought her opinion was insane). I’m all for informing mothers, but let’s use real information, not scare tactics.
As for the formula feeding, breastfeeding debate, I am sorry but I think that many women do make informed decisions about the choice to feed their child formula. I was one of those moms.
In my case, thank god for medical intervention because it saved my son’s life at the moment of delivery (attended by a midwife in a hospital birthing center). I also am very thankful for formula for allowing my son to thrive when breastmilk was not.
One more point… those who think there is no breastfeeding industry is plain naive. Maybe it’s not the same as formula, but there are certainly corporate interests involved in breastfeeding.
Brooke, I by no means put down formula feeding mothers, I had to formula feed my second child, I had no choice.
I think that there is certainly still a TON of misinformation out there comparing formula to breast milk though.
As for that Bradley Instructor, she sounds like a nut!
I’m an information junkie as well so I thought I’d post a couple resources in response to the info @Brooke was referring to regarding epidurals being linked to Autism. It’s not the epidural per se; but the high level of synthetic oxytocin (pitocin) given during the epidural. It information is pretty interesting: http://www.autismtoday.com/articles/ATTN_Researchers.htm
Another article: http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/autism/content/article/10168/57071
Just food for thought :0)
Doula Dianne´s last [type] ..Mother of Many – The Life of a Midwife Pause the playlist to the right
Brooke, I get the feeling the last part of your comment may have been directed my way? I hope I did not offend you by what I wrote. I do realise that every aspect of pregnancy, birth and parenting has been industrialised – In fact everything is! It’s a fact about the world we live in that we all have to deal with. However, once again I agree with Danielle’s above comment, it’s the gross amount of misinformation that is presented that I have a problem with. I truly believe that we all want to do our best as parents (or future parents) but we NEED to hear other people’s (arguably radical?) views on topics from both ends of the spectrum so that we can really make an INFORMED decision.
As a ‘consumer’, I am so grateful that I now know I can choose to buy a breast pump rather than switching to formula, if I have to work after my child is born. SO many women do not really understand or have enough support to implement the whole ‘breast is best’ policy into their everyday lives. By experienced ladies taking the time to explain that the World Health Organisation’s findings state that not only is breast milk the best food for all babies; as it will not only improve your child’s health and save you money; but there is also a huge amount of support available to you if you need it as well, to insure that you will be successful; many women will be saved a lot heart ache in ‘choosing’ the best method by which they feed their baby. This type information was extremely helpful to me and has given me the inspiration to challenge some of my other preconceived opinions on things like extended breast feeding and using cloth nappies. These are two things that I WILL DO as a result of some brilliant bloggers who have braved the backlash from those who disagree to spread their excellent knowledge with others.
Many of the blogs I’ve read have been from women simply trying to let others know that there is another route you can take when you are confronted with the sea of decision you have to make as you enter parenthood. When I come across things I disagree I use my free will to either try to challenge it or just ignore it.
Whilst I do think that we need to avoid ‘name calling’ and being malicious, I completely understand why people get angry about injustices (and some times just straight up violations of human rights) that they have gone through unnecessarily. No woman deserves that and I truly believe that I will be able to avoid many pit holes in the maternity care system as a result of brave, articulate women refusing to remain silent, and for that I want to say to them a BIG THANK YOU!
I want to thank you for addressing this. I am new to twitter and blogs and have been amazed at how attacking some seem. I have 3 pregnancies and births and though not as educated about the processes as some and somewhat trusting of doctors when what they say sounds logical. I do not want to feel bad about the decisions I made and don’t others to overly stress about the ones they are getting ready to make. My first labor was hard (12 hrs of back to back ctx) and I choose an epideral, my second a mid wife suggested induction 1 day after due date for elevated bp and my 3rd was induced 10 days after and I had epiderals with them because the first went well. They are all healthy children, and I would have had them the same way today being more informed as I did then.
I find this advice is applicable for breastfeeding as well. There are some… RadicaLactivists out there who promote breastfeeding by using hatred, trying to feel superior to others and attacking others without asking any questions. That people will follow and RT and applaud this line of thinking honestly just makes me sick.
Lynda´s last [type] ..Flashback Friday- One Year Ago
Lynda, again perhaps it is just my interpretation of your comment but I feel like it may have possibly been aimed at some of my comments?? Again, I just want to say that it was not my intention to offend anyone. I am just a big believer in free speech and hate that sometimes people that have views that differ from the majority get censored and ignored by being labeled ”crazy radicals”.
I guess I liken it to when I first watched ‘The Business Of Being Born’, ‘Pregnant In America’ and ‘Orgasmic Birth’. Each of these film exposed me to things that I had never even heard of before, prompting me to do lots of personal research. This allowed me to learn so many valuable things that I will use not only in making birthing decisions but for mine and my family’s medical care for the rest of my life. However, now I am reading that Ricki Lake has been vilified for her documentary by certain individuals. I think she has helped and informed far more people than she has offended. And I suppose it is someone like her that springs to my mind when I picture birth activists/radicals, as she seen as an activist promoting informed choice by many but an ‘insane radical homebirth crusader’ by others. These are the types of radical thinkers and activists I applaud and show gratitude to.
What worries me is, if this information is not taught in the majority of schools, colleges, universities or health care facilities, then where will the average woman of child bearing age get this info? Do they have to wait until after they have suffered before learning there is a whole community of women who are working very hard to improve maternity care practices for ALL women?
There are tactful radicals AND there are rude insensitive radicals, also there online there are just evil trolls who’s sole purpose is to insight hate and upset people. I would just like to be clear that I DO NOT support either of the latter, as they too make me sick and just they give other ‘kind’ of radicals a bad name.
I mean I USED to think tree hugging eco-warriors were just plain crazy and way too extreme for a modern lifestyle. But over time, what they have been saying (for years) has made more and more sense to me. Now whilst I have not given up all of my modern non ‘green’ conveniences, I do recycle, use energy efficient appliances, I am moving towards a completely organic diet for I TTC and plan to use cloth nappies. I am shocked at my turn around but I guess what I am trying to say is that it’s true what ‘they’ say “you live and you learn”.
P.s Sorry for yet another long rambling comment! My attempt to be concise = Fail
Hi Michelle, My comments were not directed to you; I’m so sorry if it came off that way! I actually hadn’t yet read through the comments when I wrote that. I went through and read your comments and don’t find anything offensive about them.
My comment was just referring to some people on twitter who feel they have to attack others when they speak negatively about breastfeeding instead of ignoring the trolls who will never change their mind or replying tactfully and with education.
I got ripped a new one on twitter by a girl named RadicaLactivist on Twitter (http://bit.ly/badlactivist) because I questioned a mean-spirited comment she made out of context and because I mentioned I supplement my children. She didn’t take the time to learn my situation, she just blamed me over and over again for what is a rare medical condition that impacts my glandular tissue and therefore leaves me without a full milk supply.
This post reminded me of that situation… what’s the point in attacking others without learning anything about their situation. A natural birth may be best, but there comes a point where the moms sanity takes the utmost importance and whatever she decides with her partner and care providers is none of our business. Same goes with breastfeeding – if you want to educate, assist and try to steer people in the right direction, do it with honey, not hatred.
Lynda´s last [type] ..Flashback Friday- One Year Ago
Great post! I too have very strong opinions on these matters, but ultimately it comes down to educating those women who just don’t know all the facts. If we want to have any effect on empowering these women in their education & birth choices, our message has to be put forth in a positive light.
The Mayor!´s last [type] ..My Kid’s A Genius-
Brooke, I get the feeling the last part of your comment may have been directed my way? I hope I did not offend you by what I wrote. I do realise that every aspect of pregnancy, birth and parenting has been industrialised – In fact everything is! It’s a fact about the world we live in that we all have to deal with. However, once again I agree with Danielle’s above comment, it’s the gross amount of misinformation that is presented that I have a problem with. I truly believe that we all want to do our best as parents (or future parents) but we NEED to hear other people’s (arguably radical?) views on topics from both ends of the spectrum so that we can really make an INFORMED decision.
As a ‘consumer’, I am so grateful that I now know I can choose to buy a breast pump rather than switching to formula, if I have to work after my child is born. SO many women do not really understand or have enough support to implement the whole ‘breast is best’ policy into their everyday lives. By experienced ladies taking the time to explain that the World Health Organisation’s findings state that not only is breast milk the best food for all babies; as it will not only improve your child’s health and save you money; but there is also a huge amount of support available to you if you need it as well, to insure that you will be successful; many women will be saved a lot heart ache in ‘choosing’ the best method by which they feed their baby. This type information was extremely helpful to me and has given me the inspiration to challenge some of my other preconceived opinions on things like extended breast feeding and using cloth nappies. These are two things that I WILL DO as a result of some brilliant bloggers who have braved the backlash from those who disagree to spread their excellent knowledge with others.
Many of the blogs I’ve read have been from women simply trying to let others know that there is another route you can take when you are confronted with the sea of decision you have to make as you enter parenthood. When I come across things I disagree I use my free will to either try to challenge it or just ignore it.
Whilst I do think that we need to avoid ‘name calling’ and being malicious, I completely understand why people get angry about injustices (and some times just straight up violations of human rights) that they have gone through unnecessarily. No woman deserves that and I truly believe that I will be able to avoid many pit holes in the maternity care system as a result of brave, articulate women refusing to remain silent, and for that I want to say to them a BIG THANK YOU!
Sorry I’m so late to comment on this post!
First, I want to thank you for the really kind shout-out. But more importantly, thank you for writing such a great post and for getting out the message(s) on birth and breastfeeding in the way that you do. It’s one thing to preach to the choir, but it’s quite another to change and inspire hearts and minds.
Kristen´s last [type] ..Halfway to Thirty
Well written, thought provoking blog post. Thank you x
Carolyn Hastie´s last [type] ..YouTube – OB patient
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