Father’s Are Not Babysitters

With my upcoming trip to BlogHer in New York City in less than a month, heck, today marks the three week mark actually, babysitters have become a huge topic of discussion in our household. We have made arrangements for my children to be with my mother the one and a half week days I am going to be away while my husband is working, and then Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday my husband will be home with them in our normal family environment.

My husband does not constitute as a baby sitter, and will not be “watching” his kids. He will be being a father. He brought this up the other night when another person we know was discussing “babysitting” his own child which totally hit me the wrong way. “No, if it is your child, you are being a parent not a sitter.” Which completely boggled my mind. Sure there are guys out there that don’t want anything to do with their children, or don’t see their children, but that in most cases is no fault of anyone but themselves.

A couple months ago, we were walking through the mall, and there was a new advertisement up, and it said “Take time to be a Dad” which my husband was really pissed off about. Not because it was telling him he doesn’t spend enough time with his children, or because he is a bad Dad (which in my opinion, and most that know us he is the worlds best dad) but because this message is actually something that actually needs to be advertised.

I found that on youtube. And I truly think that the message is in the right spot, but I think my real issue deep down is the fact that this message has to be put out there to encourage men to do things with their children, and actually be a father. Not just a paycheck or provider, but a real father.

I am certainly impressed that Obama has made this campaign, and gotten involved. I think that the absentee fathers out there can truly learn something, if they are the kid that will learn. But when it comes down to it, the moral of my story is when your husband takes the time to be a guardian to your children when you are not around, or on a business trip like I will be come August, it is not him babysitting your children, it is simply doing what he is supposed to be doing, caring for, and looking after the children he helped bring into this world!

Share/Save

9 comments

tags: absentee fathers, babysitter, father, fatherhood, Obama, take time to be a dad
category: Uncategorized

Click to add your comment

1

By: Cara @ Giving Birth w. Confidence Twitter: @LamazeOnline

It’s so funny because– and I’m sure I’m not the only one– I get this comment ALL of the time, mainly from other women! When I’m traveling or out for a girls’ night, someone will ask, “Is your husband watching/sitting the kids?” And I promptly say, “No, he’s just being a dad!” I don’t know what it is about our culture that assumes that dads can’t parent children or enables dads to take a lesser role, but I imagine that whatever it is, has a lot to do with the reason behind the making of the video in your post.
Cara @ Giving Birth w. Confidence´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday- Pint-Sized Professional

2

By: Melodie Twitter: @bfmom

Bravo. I get so irate when my Grandma asks if my husband is babysitting the kids when I go get a haircut or have a girl’s night out, or if I am hiring a babysitter so he can have a “break.” OMG! LIke he doesn’t get a break enough! My hubby is a good dad but I definitely do the lion’s share of child care.
Melodie´s last [type] ..Review and Giveaway Modest Middles

3

By: Sara Twitter: @thecoveredwagon

I agree wholeheartedly! People always ask where the kids are – and I say “with their father, of course” they say things like “how nice of him to babysit so you can come to XYZ!” Umm….no. They’re having bonding time, like I have with my kids during the day while he’s at work. Ugh.

I think this is yet another place where we need to change our language.
Sara´s last [type] ..Sidewalks and Community

4

By: Heather @ Mommypotamus Twitter: @mommypotamus

My husband wakes up early so he can see our daughter before he goes to work, reads her stories and tucks her in at night (a LONG process), takes her to Starbucks for a daddy/daughter date on Saturday mornings,and generally spends as much free time as possible.

We have NEVER referred to him as a babysitter. He is a great dad, and having grown up in a fatherless household I congratulate myself pretty often for picking a good man ; – )

In fact, I think he is so awesome I am trying to share him. We have very little time to spare as a family, but when we looked into orphanages in our community we were shocked to find several . . . even in the very wealthy areas! Although we would consider adoption at some point (I am 33 weeks pregnant so now would not be the time), there are things we can do RIGHT NOW. Things he can do. Like spend time with them.

We don’t know yet what kind of red tape there might be to do this, but I hope it will work out. I know it’s not the same as having a dad, but I wish someone had taken an interest in me when I was growing up. My mom tried to convince a few men from our church into being surrogate father for me and my sis, but guilt doesn’t work ; – )
Heather @ Mommypotamus´s last [type] ..Turning Trash Into Treasure

5

By: Lynda Twitter: @lynda

I hate the notion that fathers are babysitters. My husband stayed at home with the kids for the first 9 months of my second son’s life. I think part of the problem is that so many women stay at home with the babies all day, then allow their husband to do whatever they want in the evenings and on weekends, so if the men ever do get a few minutes alone with their kids, it’s foreign to them.
Lynda´s last [type] ..Close-Up Macro Lens Filter Set

6

By: Summer Twitter: @summerminor

Thank you so much for writing this. Fathers’ roles in parenting as society sees it is something that absolutely needs to be changed. Parents are not babysitters, no matter which parent they are.
Summer´s last [type] ..Truthful Tuesday

7

By: ~j. Twitter: @formerlyphread

THANK YOU. one of my pet peeves.
~j.´s last [type] ..its like i always say

8

By: Carolyn Hastie Twitter: @thinkbirth

Good to see this topic written about on your forum. Changing the language changes the culture and both have to be changed about fathering.

Many women fall into the fathers as babysitters ‘trap’ and take some time to really ‘get’ what the difference is. All discussion is valuable in changing perspectives.

You may be interested in a post I did about fathering
http://thinkbirth.blogspot.com/search/label/Fathers

All the very best to you. You are doing great work. warmly, Carolyn
Carolyn Hastie´s last [type] ..YouTube – OB patient

9

By: Tanya

I get this all the time, I’m at home looking after the kids and trying to be a WAHM too along with all that this entails but if I need to take some time out during the weekend to run some more errands, or need a night out with the girls and my husband has to stay at home and look after the kids then it becomes an overwhelming task for him (because he’s not used to it, because I am always there) – so invariably comments like “HOW long are you going to be?” come up. And don’t mention the mother-in-law who thinks her poor son is having a hard time being at work all day LOL.
Tanya´s last [type] ..Looking For A Great Au Pair

Comment Guidelines
We all come from different backgrounds, and hold different opinions and beliefs...

While I understand and respect that, I expect the same respect from my readers. This website is “mine” and like my home, I expect respect, and reserve the right to “kick out” anyone who doesn’t follow the rules, just like I would in my home!

1. Trolls will automatically be deleted and banned
2. If you feel the urge to be disrespectful, or start a fight... move along.
3. No name calling... PERIOD

Happy Commenting!