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Feminist Raising Boys
I always envisioned a brood of little girls, if and when I had children. I must admit there was a point in my life where I was one of the Feminist’s who swore she would be child free, and my parents could attest to that because they nearly died from shock when they found out I was expecting my oldest. I think it was working in the childbirth community, and meeting my DH that really confirmed the choice of having children. But I think that all is a post from another day.
I always thought when I had kids, I would have all girls. Maybe it was wishful thinking on my part because all of my siblings have all boys. Currently in my family, there are 6 grand sons, no grand daughters, and no more siblings having children. I stand alone, but considering the large age difference in myself, and siblings, it is safe to say, it would be better off if they didn’t have anymore.
Now I find myself a mother of two boys, with strong feminist values. Many people have asked me if I was going to raise my boys to “hate men” or “be gay” and all kinds of uber ridiculous questions. Sometimes my first reaction is to want to slap these people or really ask them what they think being a feminist truly means. I know there are a lot of different types of feminists out there though. Which could essentially lead to this confusion. But from my stance, I think I am raising my children to be simply what men today SHOULD be.
Some of the values I want to teach my boys include :
- Equality – Men are not better than women, nor are they superior. They should and must be treated equally whether in the workplace, or simply walking down the street.
- Reproductive Freedoms – Women can, should, and always must have the right to choose what is the best medical choice regarding their own reproductive system. From choices in birth control, to abortion, pregnancy, and birth choices. They are being raised around an active ICAN Chapter, the Worst to First Campaign, and lots of other advocacy organizations.
- Respect – Girls, and women should be respected, not looked at as some sort of possession or piece of meat. They are human beings, with feelings, and should be treated accordingly. It goes back to the age old treat others the way you want to be treated.
- Gender Roles – I never really thought about this till I met The Feminist Breeder, or never really knew what to call it at least. In our home there are no “Mommy” or “Daddy” jobs. We all do everything. My husband does laundry, cooking, cleaning, and anything else. I mow the law, shovel snow, and fix broken toys. We just do what needs to get done. Fortunately for me, my husband is a much better cook than I am!
I try not to stay in the house a ton because it would completely drive me up the wall (believe me I am going somewhere with this) and I often find myself walking the mall with my kids. I often hear young children, not even teens talking, and because I always am looking for something new to write about, I keep my ears pealed. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard little boys talking in such disrespectful manners about so and so or his sister, or even about this one or that ones girlfriend. Even to the extend of using the word cunt to describe them.
I was nearly FLOORED when I heard that come out of this little kids mouth, and when I say little kid, I mean he looked like he wasn’t older than 10! 10 freaking years old knowing the C word?!!?
The complete lack of respect for women seems to be starting at such a young age. And this is what I hope to prevent in the values I am instilling in my boys as they grow up. I can’t imagine any other way.
But all in all, being a feminist and having boys does not mean they are going to grow up to be man hating, combat boot wearing, childless, homosexuals who listen to Ani Difranco. So I hope that stereotype is broke now!
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I agree. I’m disgusted with the way boys are nowadays and I hope like hell my son is NEVER disrespectful like that!
I went to school and lived with a guy in university who was raised as a feminist. He was not gay, but he *did* listen to Ani Defranco, Moreover, he was the kindest, sweetest guy I knew and everyone, men included, loved him. He was the first guy who I had met who seemed different from all the other guys I had ever known and if I had had any sons (I have two daughters) I would have wanted them to be like this guy.
.-= Melodie´s last blog ..Poll: How Old is Your Nursling? =-.
I worry about falling into gender stereotypes and how my son sees me and his dad (he is six months old and probably doesn’t care – but being a mama is all about worrying right?). I am planning on staying at home for a year or so, his dad is the breadwinner. I love cooking and his dad is the one who can drive, I am creative and he is practical – there are many examples. We didn’t fall into these roles because we are male or female, but because that is where our talents and interests seem to lie.
I don’t really know the point of this comment know I’ve written it, but I did want to say thanks for writing this post.
Charlotte xx
http://housewife-chic.blogspot.com
Hey, I plan o raise my son to listen to Ani DiFranco!
But seriously, what I want to know is how to raise my son to be tha t great kid. It’s really difficult to overcome environment, and even in Kindergarten, while language like you described wouldn’t be tolerated, there’s plenty of gun slinging and I don’t like girls talk. Humorously, or not, one of the kids who was the worst offenders in this regard, talking my son into “not playing with GIRLS” or acting mean to girls they didn’t know on the playground, has a stay at home Dad.
I have two boys also – love your list of values! Glad we both were on SITS!!
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..Yummy Cinnamon Rolls with Cream Cheese Frosting =-.
This is a GREAT post. I really love it.
Though we definitely have gender specific roles in this house, I’m unable to work because of chronic pain, and therefore am home, and take on the home-responsibilities. We also, however, have a female roommate who does NOT do girly chores, but instead goes to work and comes home at the exact same time as daddy. My daughter gets a definite exposure to working women and men, as well as myself as a house woman.
And that’s okay by me. It solidifies, I think, an incidence of “choice”. Though I am here because I cannot work, I’m also doing these housewifey duties because I choose to. If that makes any sense at all.
Respect is the utmost, I think, for mothers who are raising boys.
I know, most of my girl friends have boy children. It can be very challenging, and people’s opinions of gender roles totally rub off onto your choices.
I don’t understand why everyone thinks that once you have a kid, the way you raise it is EVERYONE’S business.
It takes a village…. of MY choosing.
I raised a boy and a girl. Both are respectful to people in general.
I do not believe boys are the only culprits. I have heard girls with filthy mouths and I’ve heard girls knocking boys, degrading boys, and have seen them treating boys badly. I’ve also seen girls who have no manners, no self-respect and no morals. Anyone wouldn’t think too highly of them, so you can’t blame boys for not thinking highly of girls such as that.
One trend in society that really irks me is that some feel the need to put down boys in an attempt to build up boys. I disagree with that. I also disagreed with the whole “bring a daughter to work day.” I understand the theory behind it. It was an effort to show girls they could have any career they wanted to have, however, I’m glad they have since changed it to bring your child to work day. I think both boys and girls should be able to see mom and/or dad do their thing at work. When my son was little, I was told I could not take him into work with me because it was “for girls only.” That’s simply not fair. Why couldn’t my boy see what I did at my job? If we want boys to treat girls as equals, we have to do it in a way so that we aren’t putting them down or being unfair to them in an effort to raise girls up.
In my house growing up there really weren’t gender roles. Altough mom stayed home and dad worked and owned businesses, they would still both take on anything at different times.
In my house, both my son and daughter did a bit of everything. I believe both needed to learn how to cook, do laundry, take care of the pool, repair things, change a tire, etc.
I’m not sure what exactly a “feminist” is, I never did quite understand it. In my opinion, we are all people and we should all simply be treated as such. I prefer to think of myself as human, rather than call myself a “feminist.”
I am a feminist. I am for women being treated equally, which today in 2010 we still are not seeing. Men are not superior, and they should not be treated as such,
and I will be damned if that is something my children learn. There are no boy jobs, or girl jobs, there are not boy toys or girl toys, etc. I want them to grow up
this way. No one is putting down boys, or girls… I want my children simply to be respectful of everyone, and treat women as their equals, not like they are superior
than they are.
It would be stupid for me to put down men, or boys considering I am completely out numbered in my house. Being a feminist DOES NOT mean putting men
down or being anti-men.
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