In the Final Days

I have been avoiding the computer really at all costs. I have kept up with my Babble posts, because of course I have to. But other than that when I am on twitter, or facebook … most of it is on my phone from the hospital trying to keep my mind busy so I don’t think about what is really going on. I hate seeing my sister in the condition that she is in.

My mother called me last night and told me her ex-husband and son would be staying at the hospital for the night because really we didn’t think she would make it through the night. So I went up to the hospital and stayed late. I fell asleep in a chair next to her bed, holding her hand with my head on the rail of the bed. My breast milk stash I had in the freezer is gone. I used the last bag over the weekend when I was spending hours at the hospital as my husband could sit with the kids.

I feel like every time I am with my sister, I am neglecting the kids whether they are with a babysitter, or my husband. And when I am with the kids, I feel like I am missing the little bit of time I have left with my sister. I am damned if I do, and damned if I don’t. There is no easy way around any of it.

Keeping myself busy is the only way to keep my mind off of everything when I can’t be at the hospital at her side. Sunday when I had to come home, once the baby was fed, and back to sleep I literally washed the walls in my kitchen. Something I would never willingly do, or take time to bother with. Yeah it has to be done, but not something I would ever take on during a Sunday afternoon when I have time that the kids are behaving.

We have all been taking shifts at the hospital so she is never alone. There is always someone with her. Holding her hand, or laying with her in her bed comforting her and letting her know everything is ok.

I typically am not the most Godly person, but I have been in the chapel every day and last night we had the Priest in the hospital come up and pray with us. It is what she wants, she keeps talking about the angels, and how she is going to be an angel. I told her she is going to be the best damn angel Heaven has EVER seen.

No one ever thinks their 40 year old sister is going to get a brain infection and die. EVER.

It is simply something you can never plan for. And it hurts.

Writing a bit here and there is the only way to help me get some of my emotions out.

Share/Save

8 comments

category: Uncategorized

Click to add your comment

1

By: Old School/New School Mom Twitter: @osnsmom

Danielle, I am so so sorry for what your family is going through right now. I wish I could offer some words of wisdom. All I can say is that I’m glad your sister has an amazing woman like you in her life. My thoughts and prayers are with her.
Old School/New School Mom´s last [type] ..It All Began With a Lost Earring

2

By: Alicia

I am so sorry for what you are going through. This made me cry this morning. Today is the four year anniversary of the death of my younger brother, and the pain never goes away.

3

By: Britta

Don’t discount yourself in being “godly” because simply being there to love and care for your sister is enough. Spending last memories with sisters is priceless.

4

By: Venti With The Girls

My heart breaks for you. Unfortunately, I understand too well what you are going through.

My mom had been severely injured and I was her main caregiver and advocate. I felt like I was never there enough for anyone. It was overwhelming and exhausting. I had the luxury of knowing that one day, she would get better. However, it made me appreciate even more the bed side vigil my husband, his sister and his mother had been doing.

My husband’s twin was in a coma/vegetative state for over 5 years. For 2 years they traveled far, paid for expensive parking in a major city, and sat by his side in hopes of him waking up. Finally, they moved him into my MIL’s house, and continued to tube feed, turn him to prevent bed sores, and clean him. He passed away just over a year ago at the age of 42. Like you said, “It is simply something you can never plan for. And it hurts.”

I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. Accept help from anyone that offers. Cry when you need to. Try to remember all of the laughs you had together and let yourself smile at those.

(((BIG HUGS)))
Venti With The Girls´s last [type] ..Monday Vent – Candy for Lunch

5

By: jrmiss86

my heart breaks for you and your family. I will be praying for you and your sister.

If you want to, and feel up to it and have the time, check out this blog: http://rachelsharvestofhope.blogspot.com/

A friend from my church is dying of cancer and her younger sister writes this blog as she cares for her sister. When you wrote about your sister is reminded me of Rachel and her sister. Please know that you are not alone and at the very least you have one person in NJ praying for your family.

-Heather

6

By: Doreen Lombardo-Campisi Twitter: @deecampisi

I’m so very sorry Danielle.
Doreen Lombardo-Campisi´s last [type] ..Monday Night Football and More At Buffalo Wild Wings!!

7

By: robyn

I am very sorry Danielle, my heart goes out to you and your family. (((((Hugs))))

8

By: KATHLEEN

Try to remember all of the laughs you had together and let yourself smile at those.I feel very sorry for you..
KATHLEEN´s last [type] ..Truth about quickness

Comment Guidelines
We all come from different backgrounds, and hold different opinions and beliefs...

While I understand and respect that, I expect the same respect from my readers. This website is “mine” and like my home, I expect respect, and reserve the right to “kick out” anyone who doesn’t follow the rules, just like I would in my home!

1. Trolls will automatically be deleted and banned
2. If you feel the urge to be disrespectful, or start a fight... move along.
3. No name calling... PERIOD

Happy Commenting!