Posts Tagged ‘choice’

October 19th, 2010

No, I am NOT a Hypocrite…

I found out we were expecting our third child almost two full months ago. During this time I have put an insane amount of thought into our options for birth. I searched high and low for a provider who would even accept me as a patient for a VBA2C… I dug through surgical reports, research, had awesome ladies like Amy Romano, and Kristen from Birthing Beautiful Ideas help me write letters to the backup OB/GYN’s of the midwives I love so much.

It has been stressful, and I have had up after down, after down, and then up again. I have been confused, worried about judgment, felt attacked and unsupported, and loved all at the same time. I took my thoughts about having a VBA2C vs. a repeat cesarean out of the public spotlight and started to discuss it with two people that I trust the most.

1. My husband
2. My midwife who attended my VBAC attempt in May 2009.

The two people I knew would ….

1. Not pull any punches with me
2. Tell me like it is
3. Support me in my choice.

They did when I was in labor with Benjamin, they did during the surgery, and they did in my postpartum period.

After looking at surgical reports, taking my last labor and birth into consideration, and all the factors in between, I have made the very educated and hard decision to opt for a scheduled cesarean this time around. I think one of the biggest statements, and ideas that has remained in my head through all of this was my midwifes speculation on my pelvis. And the more I think about Camden, and Ben’s births, the more I think that there very well may be a malformation that doesn’t allow my babies to get down into the pelvis. Neither ever made it, and there is little hope this one would either.

With the damage done by the two surgeries, one NICU stay, two emotional recoveries, and serious lack of support after my first son, I know that I can make things different this time around. Do I want to have another cesarean?  No. Not at all, I never wanted to have one, or even two… it was just the cards that I was dealt. Do I want to plan to have a scheduled delivery after bitching about other people doing it for years?  No. But the difference at this point is… and this is also where the title of this post comes from… the vast majority of scheduled cesareans in this country taking place have no medical reason.  This situation I am facing has a number of medical reasons.  And if I felt like there wasn’t going to be hundreds of people picking the reasons apart, I would certainly share them more openly. Unfortunately in recent weeks, it seems like internet harassment over medical choices that peaked, and it is something I am not going to deal with.

Especially over a choice that hurts me to come to terms with myself.

I have opted to go to the backup OB/GYN’s that my personal midwives I used last time around have. And my midwife from Benjamin has signed on to be with me for my surgery, and postpartum time in the hospital as my doula, which means the world to me since I lost Karen (My doula) a year ago unexpectedly.  It makes me know my experience will be more comfortable, and I will have not only my husband, but her with me, two people I trust very much to help my experience.

I will be writing a positive cesarean birth plan over the next couple months in a real attempt to make this not only a Family Centered Cesarean, but a positive experience for all of us.

Am I dreading the recovery?  Yes, I am scared to death.

After my first c-section, I had a newborn I was able to lay and rest with all day. Breastfeed in my bed, and change his diaper right there also.

With my second c-section, my husband was home and able to help me through my recovery. I laid in bed for weeks, not only in pain, but an emotional wreck from a failed VBAC.

This time around, I will have a 3 year old, a 2 year old, and a newborn to take care of after the surgery with little help. It is scary!

March 11th, 2010

Joy Szabo, NIH, & What Wasn’t Addressed

Last night I was lucky enough to have a 45 minute slot with Joy Szabo on my radio show. I was certain people would call in with questions to ask her about her experience, but it seemed as though the National Institute of Health VBAC Conference has really been overshadowing the whole week, especially in the birth and activism community who happen to be the main readers of my blog!
So half way through the show, when I realized that no one was calling in with questions for Joy, after talking about her story, feelings, and experience, we turned the table over to the final draft letter from the NIH panel.

That is when the show started to pick up, because people are MAD!  No matter how many times the same topic was brought up, it was left out not only in the draft letter, but in essentially their revised draft. While we do not know if it will make it into the final statement, most of us are not optimistic.
The topic?  Women being able to make their own choices, and say NO to their provider, repeat surgery, and NOT have to go through any type of legal recourse or court ordered intervention like we are we are slowly starting to see in our country.

It was brought up yesterday morning during the time in where the audience was able to make comments, suggestions, and ask questions, but again brought up during the Press Conference by Susan Jenkin’s from The Big Push for Midwives.  During the press conference panel members continued to dodge the question, and comments once again.

Now most of us went into this whole week not expecting much from the conference because many of us have been down this road, and knew that change is often not something that comes about, but after the first couple speakers, slides which included pictures of the ICAN logo and the banner from The Unnecesaean, many of us were smiling ear to ear hoping, and praying this would really be the step we needed. By day 3 it turned clear that it would not be what many of us would have liked to happen.

The one positive I find that came from this was the final suggestion for ACOG to revisit and revise their statement including immediate terminology, to something that is much more realistic in our medical community today.

We got a little carried away in the show last night, and went over our time limit, but I wanted to again thank those who did come on the show, speak, and bring a great discussion. Joy Szabo for bringing the issue of VBAC Bans into the mainstream media, Traci Perg for being so passionate, outspoken, and bringing up amazing points about modern day feminists, as well as pro choice supporters, Lauren Cooper, current Chapter Director for ICAN and her reflections on the conference. Lauren is a good friend of mine, as well as a great mentor, and she will be coming back on in April for one of the radio shows focusing on Cesarean Awareness Month, and last but certainly not least, Sarah from Salisbury Connecticut, a local doula, friend and advocate in my community.

Tell everyone what you think about the panel’s statement and leave a comment!

PS!  Please, please please!  If you have had a cesarean section, take our Post Cesarean Feelings Survey, it will ONLY be available till Monday March 15th, and we are trying to hit between 1000 and 1500 mothers!  Pass it along on Facebook, to your friend, family, or clients!
Post Cesarean Feelings

March 1st, 2010

The Twitter Abortion

There has been so much going around this last week about the “twitter abortion” and the fact that this woman tweeted and used youtube to discuss and “demystify” abortion for women. I have mixed feelings about the subject myself, but I certainly think this has become a little overboard in some of the comments about this woman.

If you did not hear about this, I will start out by telling you, Ms. Jackson, a Florida mother of one child, who she had a dangerous and life threatening pregnancy with, was told after his birth, she should fore-go having anymore children for her own safety. This I can relate to. I had a difficult pregnancy with my first child, and had I been told after the fact not to have anymore children, I probably would have followed Doctors orders.  After avoiding pregnancy, Ms. Jackson found herself pregnant, and 3 weeks after conception, and discussing it with her provide she chose the route of the RU-486 or “abortion pill”. Which for many women has become the most popular form of abortion today because it is less invasive.

In layman’s terms, the abortion pill induces miscarriage under the care of a provider. Which for Ms. Jackson’s case I seem to think would be the best option, as I would follow the same steps if I was faced with her situation. Now before I get into the real point of my post, I want to go on the record and say… I am pro choice, but abortion is NOT an option for me, unless the situation was life threatening, like it was in Ms. Jackson’s case. I have two children that already depend on me and I could never leave them for the possibility of a sibling. I know that my view may not be popular, respected, or agreed upon, but that is what is great about the world. So many different opinions.

Ok, now to my thoughts. While I did NOT read what Ms. Jackson tweeted about because for my own mental stability, and the issues I have had stemming from my own reproductive issues, I do think that what Ms. Jackson did took a lot of courage and gall. She opened up a door that has been closed for as long as abortion has been around. So many women today are made to feel ashamed of their choice, and that there is something wrong with them for making their own educated decisions about their medical and reproductive freedoms.
Most of you know, I am all for women making their own choices in their reproductive system, whether they be birth choices, prenatal care options, or anything under the sun, and I stand by it.  I may not always agree with their choices (even in the case of abortion) but I think that all options need to continue to be available for the safety of out women today.

I truly feel that less women would struggle post abortion with their choices if it was not something women were made to feel ashamed of. We turn around and call these women Whores or Murderers and all that does is further victimize someone who may already be struggling with their choice. It is certainly not pro woman by any means.

The situation continues to hurt my heart because I feel for these women that are put into a position that they do not feel that they can discuss, or be accepted. I am grateful that I have never been put into this type of situation myself because I do not envy someone having to deal with such a hard decision. But instead of putting these women down, why not just leave them be, support their choices, or just respect their reproductive freedom.

I hope that one day, if I do have a daughter, she can grow up in a world where the word abortion no longer brings shame to those who speak it. That is for sure!

If we cannot trust women to make choices regarding their own reproductive freedoms, where will it stop?